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Wednesday, 6 May 2020

How to handle my soon to be 10 year old?

Loise Mausser: I would take him to a professional Counselor.

Sammie Bocanegra: Also we already tested him.. he has nothing... just to smart for his own good..

Gus Leiby: Well, here's the thing.... you cannot always force kids to act the way you think is appropriate. Seems to me that his infractions (kicking his legs, talking too much, etc are pretty minor. Many kids have a hard time sitting still in class for long period and find outlets for their energy. Kids have a hard time controlling impulses - that is why they are kids. They are developmentally incapable of controling everything all the time. Here's what I would try, since you have tried all other discipline - do nothing. Ignore it unless it is interfering with his work. Let him handle the consequences at school. Talk about his behavior regularly and over abundantly recognize his good traits. If possible, see if you can sign him up for another activity that he enjoys such as karate which teache! s control. Work on motivating him through praise. He is 10. Think about how he may grow up and look back onto his childhood. Do you want him to remember critisism and punishment or encouragement and support? A lot of his traits are not detrimental to adults - multitasking is probably a highly desired. He just needs help on knowing how to channel his energy when he is not beng challenged. ...Show more

Arlen Lopiccalo: Also my mom got him one of these pianos u play on tv.. three years ago. he playied about two time or when he was on the phone with grandma.. he told me music playing is boring to him.. ahhhhh sports he wants to play but only wants them for the friendship. i guess when we move i'll put him in the "YMCA" or something.. thanks all.

Ollie Hamiel: I have already taken him to see a professional Counselor.. And he pulls a fast with the counselor. I have taken him to see many of them.!!!

Thomas Riner: did the attention thing too. would spend d! ays on in with just him.. even his father would take him out a! nd just do one on one.. we have tried to speack to him.. he closes up and wont talk...

Peggy Sandefer: sounds like he's seriously bored. try and get him involved with activities out of school which are meant for older kids or adults. that way he will learn to focus on things which will demand his attention in a way that his current schoolwork just doesn't.for a boy of that age to be able to answer all the questions he's asked right and still be daydreaming and distracted (which makes boys disruptive), shows that he is clearly not even getting half the challenge he requires from school. although you already have him in the TAG program, clearly this isn't answering his intellectual needs. try asking the school to put him into advanced classes in some subjects, e.g. taking classes with children much older than himself or at another level. if they will not do this, then get him extra tuition in the evenings in subjects that aren't covered at school - start him learni! ng a new language, and then challenge him to translate his class notes into that language as he sits in class - this will draw his focus more into himself and away from the objects around him.you could also get him learning a new musical instrument - this can be a good way to get him mixing with people of other ages and ability levels. also the concentration it requires will increase his ability to focus on other tasks.it's unfair to expect a child of that age to be still and quiet when they are bored and not stimulated or occupied at all by their work. learning to focus on something that doesn't absorb you is very difficult - i'm sure that when you're playing with your younger children, for example playing a shape-sorting game or getting them to name colours, it's the child you focus on not the game - after all, these are not activities you do to improve your own mental faculties because you have already learned what there is to be learned from them. your son feels the ! same way at school - it's one long statement of the obvious. you have ! had years to learn to sit still and to occupy yourself quietly with your thoughts in boring meetings etc - but your son has not, and at his age will find it very hard to see the point in learning to sit still.your son needs to feel that there is something to be gained from his co-operation as well as something to be lost - he is no longer afraid of punishment, but perhaps a reward chart for good behaviour in combination with punishment will do the job?either way, you must stick to your punishments where necessary and make sure he knows the rules. where so many younger siblings are present in the family, older children often get left out of things, so you need to do some activities with him that are at his own level - i remember being quite similar as a child in that i was very bright, and finding it very frustrating that my mother would only play games that my younger sister was able to join in with - this meant that nearly everything i did at home was geared towards a chi! ld three years younger. i'm sure that having babies in the house takes up most of your time, but you must be careful that it doesn't take up ALL of it.if you've tried EVERYTHING as you say, perhaps you haven't been as consistent as you need to in reinforcing your rules at home? changing parenting techniques can give very mixed messages to a child. eventually things like this will come down to a battle of wills, and it's your duty as a parent not only to get into that battle, but to find the strength to win it. otherwise your child is in control, and that's very frightening for someone so young - they need to feel that there are boundaries and that the adults in their world are capable of taking control when things get stressful. you and his father need to stand together on discipline and stand up to him and his bad behaviour, before he becomes a disrespectful and uncontrollable teen. you are more than capable of doing this - you are his parents and you know him best.i! f your son is saying that there is nothing specifically wrong with him ! i.e. he's not being bullied etc, then you have to look to his surroundings for the causes and solutions to his behaviour. get onto the school to have his aptitude tested in various areas, and to give him extra work or different work than the others in his peer group in order to keep him focussed and behaving well in class. for example, where the other children are doing a float-or-sink type exercise in science, he could be calculating volumes or densities of the objects he is testing. if the TAG program in his school is performing its function, they should be able to build this into a normal day for him without withdrawing him too much from the other children in the school....Show more

Danette Slotnick: I'm enclosing something for you to read. Your son sounds like my daughter who is now 15. She too is a genius at math, biology and art and pulls honors... however... she has many issues and this is what she's been diagnosed through out the years. Children With Oppo! sitional Defiant DisorderAll children are oppositional from time to time, particularly when tired, hungry, stressed or upset. They may argue, talk back, disobey, and defy parents, teachers, and other adults. Oppositional behavior is often a normal part of development for two to three year olds and early adolescents. However, openly uncooperative and hostile behavior becomes a serious concern when it is so frequent and consistent that it stands out when compared with other children of the same age and developmental level and when it affects the child's social, family, and academic life.In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster's day to day functioning. Symptoms of ODD may include:· frequent temper tantrums · excessive arguing with adults · active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules · del! iberate attempts to annoy or upset people · blaming others for his or ! her mistakes or misbehavior · often being touchy or easily annoyed by others · frequent anger and resentment · mean and hateful talking when upset · seeking revenge The symptoms are usually seen in multiple settings, but may be more noticeable at home or at school. Five to fifteen percent of all school?age children have ODD. The causes of ODD are unknown, but many parents report that their child with ODD was more rigid and demanding than the child's siblings from an early age. Biological and environmental factors may have a role.A child presenting with ODD symptoms should have a comprehensive evaluation. It is important to look for other disorders which may be present; such as, attention?deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD), learning disabilities, mood disorders (depression, bipolar disorder) and anxiety disorders. It may be difficult to improve the symptoms of ODD without treating the coexisting disorder. Some children with ODD may go on to develop conduct disorder.! Treatment of ODD may include: Parent Training Programs to help manage the child's behavior, Individual Psychotherapy to develop more effective anger management, Family Psychotherapy to improve communication, Cognitive?Behavioral Therapy to assist problem solving and decrease negativity, and Social Skills Training to increase flexibility and improve frustration tolerance with peers. A child with ODD can be very difficult for parents. These parents need support and understanding. Parents can help their child with ODD in the following ways: · Always build on the positives, give the child praise and positive reinforcement when he shows flexibility or cooperation. · Take a time?out or break if you are about to make the conflict with your child worse, not better. This is good modeling for your child. Support your child if he decides to take a time?out to prevent overreacting. W· Pick your battles. Since the child with ODD has trouble avoiding power struggles, prioritize ! the things you want your child to do. If you give your child a time?ou! t in his room for misbehavior, don't add time for arguing. Say "your time will start when you go to your room." · Set up reasonable, age appropriate limits with consequences that can be enforced consistently. · Maintain interests other than your child with ODD, so that managing your child doesn't take all your time and energy. Try to work with and obtain support from the other adults (teachers, coaches, and spouse) dealing with your child. · Manage your own stress with exercise and relaxation. Use respite care as needed. Many children with ODD will respond to the positive parenting techniques. Parents may ask their pediatrician or family physician to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist, who can diagnose and treat ODD and any coexisting psychiatric condition. And, if your child is anti social you might want to look into Aspergers...Show more

Cletus Makler: Well, maybe he just wants attention. Why don't you speak to him, find out if anything is both! ering him... Check the website below... but it doesn't sound like he has ADD ADHD. He sound like a normal kids to me.....Show more

Cassondra Vanholland: The O.D.D we asked the cousnelors about that.. he said no. after looking his behavior up i thought that he might have that too. my husband is getting out of the airforce and at that point we r going to see a family counselor to see that will help us.. i know i need better parenting skills. as for karate we have been to scared to let him do that.. i know it is to help but he can get very upset and hit and kick me.. he did when i was pregnant with his baby brother.. after having his baby brother he stopped the hitting and kicking me.. karate we felt might make him stronger and my husband couldn't handle it if our son hurt me.. we put him in football soccer and ever baseball. but he would reather talk and hang out then play the game.... we even tried getting him into buliding things and science things that he likes.....! .Show more

Ismael Sixon: loub17- u r soo right about alot of thin! gs.. He is very helpfull around the house with the babies... but likes to fight with his 3 yr old brother.. school i want him to go up a grade but me and his father have talked about it.. and we r waitting til we move out of SC. not that all SC schools r bad but they don't teach what they need too. so i'm hoping when we move (in a month) that his next school will challage him more.. thanks..

Madge Voice: LOL did the spanking thing too. He laughs when u spank... always has since he was 6 yr olds.. i feel i have read every book on this and nothing is working with him.. i'm about to put a stright jacket on him and put him in a white room.. don't get me wrong i'm very proud of my son for getting great gades but his behavier needs to change...

Erica Bottaro: My son was diagnoised with SID (sensory integration disorder) and use to act like your son till we got him calmed down which took a lot of occupational therapy. However last year in 3rd grade his teacher decided ! to do a new 'therapy' with him in the class room. Bubble gum therapy. Seriously...she allowed him to chew bubble gum during class because it helps keep them in constant movement by only using their mouth. It also cuts down on the noises and talking coming from there. Then she extended it to the whole class so everyone was able to chew bubble gum as long as it was sugar free and she would give it out because it was parent provided. She also had the kids put huge industrial rubber bands around the bottom of their chairs to act as foot rests. It allowed them to have their legs propped up a little if they did not want them hanging to the floor or if they just wanted to get their feet off the floor for a little while. The other thing that the teacher can do is get him up and out of his teacher. Let him pick up the books or do errands for her. If he becomes too figgity then the teacher should allow him to get up and walk out of the classroom for a moment to go get a drink of wate! r or something. When my son got too figgity he would get up and walk ou! t of the room and make a lap around the school and come back in the classroom and his teacher was fine with it. He did not do it a million times a day sometimes just once or twice or even none as long as he was busy. This year in 4th grade we have not had to do any changes or therapies and he is doing awesome! Good luck! ...Show more

Hunter Osterberger: He seems to have extra energy!! If he is a good student but just a tad to hyper active try putting him in to some kind of after school sports program to help him get rid of that energy!!!

Majorie Chester: Since 1st Grade? now it is a problem?he doesnt need a straightjacket nor any diagnosis.Perhaps you did the "attention thing"?? really sounds like you have tried however;it was all in vain.Your Son is intelligent and BORED! when he completes his work at school he is bored and fidgets,when he is at home during unstructred time he gets on your nerves.You posted you have little ones at home too,and just when does h! e get direction and attention?or are you finding yourself constantly correcting him?guess what? children tell us what they NEED from their actions,he obviuosly needs more physcial/mental challenges-he is outright BORED.Can you join at Boys and Girls club and take him to active places? Good Luck ...Show more

Patricia Dornbos: It's time to start spankings. Real spankings to show him that this behaviour will not be tolerated. He is just being naughty to see how much you will allow him to get away with.

Shon Almquist: I wonder if he is bored at school. He gets thru with work and then does something to entertain himself--- which is disruptive. The teacher may need to find ways to engage him in extra work that is challenging. At home, I wonder if he is not feeling so special with all the little ones around. Smart children are still children. His behavior may be attention seeking but I think it may be more about entertaining his brain. It is your job to direct ! that energy. To change behavior is to see it get worse before it gets ! better. I suggest you stay consistent, praise him when he is doing well--thus giving appropriate attention for appropriate behavior. For negative attention, take prized privileges or toys away starting small and building up. Include him in this process so he is not blind sided. ---just a note: privileges are what does not take to maintain life--- My daughter is very smart too and we had to do the "special day" at the end of the week if the teacher reported that she was well behaved for the whole week. I took her to her teacher conferences and spoke plainly and honestly with the teacher in front of my daughter. This gave her the knowing that her teacher was a person, there were expectations to meet and there were no secrets. She was included in the plans for the quarter as well as the things that needed correcting. My daughter is now 28, a college grad with 2 degrees and working on her 3rd. It is such a privilege to have been her mother. ...Show more

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